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Respecting each other
Knowing that you make each other better people
Sharing common interests, but having outside friends and activities too
Settling disagreements peacefully and with respect
You ask each other what you want to do.
No one tries to control the other person.
You enjoy doing things together, but no one feels forced to do anything.
If you do have a disagreement—and it's OK to disagree—you both get to say what you want, talk until you're both happy, and then go out and enjoy what you've planned.
You enjoy each other's company and feel happy when together.
You each feel free enough to have your own friends and interests outside the relationship.
Show you really care by sharing your thoughts and feelings. Listen to what your partner has to say.
Talk about sports, music, or movies—whatever helps you get past any awkward feelings and get to know each other better.
People are more attractive to each other if they have other interests. Keep up with your schoolwork, friends, and the activities you enjoy that do not involve your partner.
People don't always have to agree on movies, music, or favorite sports, or even on how often to call or see each other. It is only natural for people to disagree. The important thing is how you reach an agreement.
Talk calmly until you both figure out what you are going to do. Two possible solutions are:
Go to one kind of movie this week and a different kind next week.
One of you can choose the movie and the other can choose where to eat.
Feelings of fear, stress, and sadness are not part of a healthy relationship.
You "go along" with something even if you think it is not right. You feel bad about what happens when you are together.
Your partner does not let you succeed in school, or you are made to feel guilty about doing things that interest you.
You may hear, "If you love me, I need to know where you are." Your partner does not care about your friends.
One or both of you calls the other all the time. You feel your partner is possessive and smothering.
You hear, "This is all your fault."
A little bit of jealousy is normal. A lot of jealousy, or allowing jealousy to control what goes on between the two of you, will hurt the relationship.
One of you tells the other, "My way or no way."
When you can talk about a problem, an unhealthy relationship can become a healthy one. But, if you can't find ways to enjoy the time that you spend together, it may mean that it is time to end the relationship.
There are some things that should never happen in a relationship. Your relationship has serious problems if any of the following things are happening.
Screaming, swearing, bullying, or calling each other names is never all right.
You always have the right to refuse attention or affection.
If one of you does not get your way, a threat is made to hurt either the other person or yourself.
Talk with an adult you trust about how to end an abusive relationship safely. Use what you have learned to help make your next relationship better.
In a healthy relationship, after you settle a disagreement, you both feel respected.
When things have calmed down, try saying:
"I hated it when you swore at me. Don't do that again."
"Don't treat me that way. I have done nothing to deserve being ______ ."
"If you are upset, tell me. I can try to help, but yelling, screaming, and swearing at me does not help."
"If you treat me like that again, it's over."
You deserve to be liked and respected. Using force, power, or control only gets "your way." This is not how to get respect.
If you can't stop, get help.
A teacher, coach, or counselor at school can help you learn how to treat your partner with respect.
A spiritual leader or an adult at an after-school activity or club can help you learn how to control emotions, like anger or jealousy, and avoid abusive behavior.
By changing your behavior, you can get the true respect, support, and love that you deserve.
If there is no change in your partner's behavior, talk with friends or a trusted adult and figure out how to end the relationship safely.
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